The Dos & Don'ts of Being Objectified Vol. II

Don's post reminded me of a thought that creeped into my head earlier in the week. A lot of my girlfriends have been going on these huge tirades about the men they sleep with, many of which are centered around the sexual performance of one of their male companions while others have had much more general complaints about finding good guys. I took their observations quite seriously and kept track of the details to see if I could find one continuous element of story that should be separated and placed under the scope of analysis. My response is such: why is it that every time we hook up with someone we have to be drunk?

Some might say this is a overly general statement and dismantle it on the grounds of its accusatory nature but I promise that there is something worth investigating in this pattern. I have so many female friends who have uttered the phrase, "I need to get drunk tonight so I can get laid." The next day they complain to me about the quality of the sex they had and its awkwardness. They more often than not identify the male as the problem without ever analyzing their tactics for acquiring for sex or sexual attention. If believed to be true, what does this trend of alcoholism to justify sexuality say about my female friends? Or even society as a whole? 

For example, a close and incredibly smart female friend (who for the record is beautiful and booming with independent masculine energy) of mine recently confessed that she found me attractive. I found this comment fascinating because I had previously thought she wasn't into the type of guy I was. My own belief that I was not on her in a way allowed us to become better friends but I also think it brought about the question in her, "Why isn't he into me?" or more accurately, "Why isn't he showing signs of interest in me?" This is somewhat of a jump probably but it is a curious way to look at the situation because why else would she admit her slight attraction to me? For those of you who do not know me, I identify as bisexual and at the time when she told me this I was in a relationship with her good male friend so I found it even more interesting that she would need to assert her attraction to me even then. This makes the situation all the more interesting. If anything would it not have been more appropriate for her to respect the relationship of her friend and at minimum leave her attraction unspoken of? If we look at this statement she made as a projective question, a question wrapped in the safety of a statement, it could be understood not only as an attempt to grasp at why I had not shown her affection but also an invitation to the idea; she, in a way, gave me permission to be attracted to her. 

This same girl has fostered this habit of getting drunk then engaging in sexual behavior. In fact, I am tempted to ask her when the last time she had sober sex was. Actually, when was the last time any of us had sober sex. It's almost like our sexual symbolic order has evolved so that being in a relationship with someone means that you are capable of having sober sex with them and that every random hookup by a socially inexperienced person is just an attempt to come to terms with their body and search for acceptance. This might be somewhat of a stretch but I promise you this is an epidemic. 

To continue with this case, what can we say about the environment that engenders such behavior; not only does it create this behavior but it also literally genders it. The reasons why men and women use alcohol as a method for engaging in sex are fueled by the same chemical, alcohol, but the manner in which it manifests reflects the social training we have had all of our lives. While males drink to make it easier to hit on women, women drink to make to acceptable that they are being hit on or the lack thereof. 

The situation with women is so complicated because of this. We see women who engage in submissive behaviors in order to engage a male mate that they would otherwise reject or getting totally wasted to distract themselves from the unease that comes with not being the center of attention. The whole situation is a mess. What makes it worse is that they project the reasons for their unhappiness on young men when in reality they both are caught up in a terrible system. Probably the most disgusting part of it all is that we have all accepted these roles of interaction and many of us use sex as an exploration of our "identity" with the idea that our body will somehow reveal the secrets of our mind and soul. I promise everyone that this will reveal only more and more unfortunate and ultimately too real qualities about the body.

Happy International Women's Day I guess?

Evan 

The Dos & Don'ts of Being Objectified Vol. I

Story:

About  a year and a half ago I met a woman who used to work at the restaurant I work now; because of this we have mutual friends from work. I summarize what  you need to know about this woman in one simple phrase: she was a slut in the best sense of the term.  More specifically she was a power-slut, meaning she slept with powerful people to feel powerful herself. Now, is this wrong? Absolutely not. If  it makes you feel good, do it. Wrap it, tap it. Hit it, quit it.  However, please do understand the cost of your sexual transaction.

          This particular woman slept with a significant portion of  University of Missouri's athletic department. She dabbled in basketball players, football players, a couple of staff members, and maybe even Coach Pinkel (isn't he married because this might be a little more than maybe...). Many people we work with know about this. In fact, I think we all do. I also think we told all of our friends, who probably told all of  their friends and so forth. And this happens for some time, long enough for the good old word-of-mouth effect to set in and now too many people know. This girl becomes embarrassed about her reputation and transfers  schools, going from MU to somewhere in the West, maybe in the desert, somewhere outside of Phoenix. She basically went to a school where her type of reputation would be more acceptable and she could start again trading her flesh for athletic-political power. And anew she started.  She must have, in some way or another, rationalized that by moving away from her problem that she was paying off her social-sexual transaction debt (which was quite high, home-girl has fucked/was fucking all the basketball and footballers back in the day) because homegirl was up to her all tricks and her new tricks at the same time. She maintained contact  with her MU football player fuck-buddies (can you think about being Peen-Pals with this dude?)  and contrary to what those of you who believe in self-respect might  think, they still kept coming to her to get laid. She had gone from  being a power-slut to being her own booty-market. Trade was on the up and up. But once again, she forgot that all social transactions have a  price.
         Until her friends reminded her.
         One of our mutual friends, who for the purpose of anonymity we will call Jenny, went to visit this woman/power-slut/booty-market to catch up on old times and go see Lil' Wayne in concert (I'm pretty sure they set  up some kind of stipulated rule system to decide, in the event of Lil'  Wayne being sexually available and physically proximal to them, who got  to hit it first. That's just the type of power-sluts they are: organized). They started off in the quasi-Phoenix area, where Power-Slut had arranged one of her old buddies (ambiguous as whether this is  just-buddy v. fuck-buddy) to meet Jenny in person (the two had been introduced via internet beforehand to check for compatibility i.e. attractiveness, dick size, social status, etc.) so that they both had a  piece o' man meat while Jenny was still in town.
          Well, someway or another, Jenny slipped it to her temp-man that Power-Slut was the power-slut of power-sluts back home in good old Columbia and managed to suck and fuck her way to the top of the  athletic-political chain (i.e. provide orgasms to none other than Coach  Gary Pinkel). Being not only a good bro, but also a decent human being, he forewarns his brethren about the situation that has gone done with the power-slut's body (probably just tells them it will be easy and to wrap it if they don't want anything for keepsies). News spreads quickly  in the camp (men make sure all their buddies know who the easy girl is)  and Power-Slut notices a change in dynamic: Somebody knows.
         Actually, fucking everybody knows.
         The Lil’ Wayne concert is in San Diego (note: at least five hours from home-base in Phoenix) and once they get there Power-Slut and Jenny start drinking (note: power-slut ritualistic rite) and reveal their true selves to the world. 
        This is where things start to get a little bit  unclear.
        Apparently Power-Slut confronts Jenny and says something along  the lines of, “Bitch, you fucking told.” Jenny being a much more tactful power-slut keeps playing it by the book using the famous Deny-Deny-Deny technique (even though she definitely told and i couldn't have been anyone except for her) and instead turns the argument  against power-slut citing the fact that she did in fact sleep with all of those dudes, even as far as specifically citing the Coach Pinkel Situation (did I mention Power-Slut’s man-meat is in the room the whole  entire time this going on?) and the two erupt in hormonal rage against each other. They both are out of resources because their power-slut capabilities have been rendered useless by too much drinking and arguing (no one wants to touch the teary-eyed, pissed off girl) so they have no  way of getting to Lil’ Wayne's concert. And neither of them actually paid for their tickets (power-sluts don’t pay for shit in cash, it’s all pussy money), the decision is made that they should just not  go. And they don’t.
          However, the competition is not over. Jenny somehow manages to  get herself kicked out/locked out of their hotel room room and has to Apologize-Apologize-Apologize to get back in (Jenny always plays it by the book, she’s a pretty pro power-slut).  Hung-over and still not over  the previous night’s tension, the two decide that after this they will not be friends right before the five hour drive back to ASU… I mean Phoenix…Can you say awkward?


Synopsis:
          Power-slutting is not an amateur field. You have to know your shit. It’s like the economics of slinging your ass without really being a ho, but really being a ho. Power-sluts from the dawn of time have been passing their techniques down via oral tradition and cultural rites.  However, there are rules and things to be understood about the activity.  

First of all, ain’t no shit free in this process. Power-sluts objectify themselves and turn themselves into a commodity. Some do this knowingly, others on accident. If you don’t want to use your ass as currency, then don’t dress like a ho, don’t act like a ho, and don’t expect shit from  anyone. The feeling of entitlement is the first thing that will drag a perfectly good power-slut down. Remember: if you pay for your own shit with non-booty based currency, there is little chance for booty-based consequences to occur.   

Second of all, pay all of your booty-debts. This includes sleeping with the dude who  paid your expensive ass bar tab, the dude who paid for your expensive  ass hotel; just general things to keep your clients happy because, and trust me on this, they talk to each other. The only reason I know Power-Slut is a power-slut is because bitch wasn’t paying her booty-bills. She was just giving people a taste of the action when she tricked them into paying for her in real dollars .(You know people won’t say shit about it if they get what they want. And you know Pinkel hasn’t said shit.) In the social-sexual arena, the people are the market place  and the invisible hand is gossip. Gossip will correct that ass.

And  finally, if you don’t want people to know about it, don’t do it. You  wouldn’t open a fucking store in the middle of a downtown metropolitan area and be like, “Oh no, don’t tell anyone about my shop even though we have great products at discounted prices.” You know why? Because that  doesn’t make any fucking sense. If you use your body like a commodity,  people will treat it like so. Self-respecting power-sluts not only exist, but they understand moderation and knowing the key times and persons with whom to make a transaction.


Evan