The Dos & Don'ts of Being Objectified Vol. II

Don's post reminded me of a thought that creeped into my head earlier in the week. A lot of my girlfriends have been going on these huge tirades about the men they sleep with, many of which are centered around the sexual performance of one of their male companions while others have had much more general complaints about finding good guys. I took their observations quite seriously and kept track of the details to see if I could find one continuous element of story that should be separated and placed under the scope of analysis. My response is such: why is it that every time we hook up with someone we have to be drunk?

Some might say this is a overly general statement and dismantle it on the grounds of its accusatory nature but I promise that there is something worth investigating in this pattern. I have so many female friends who have uttered the phrase, "I need to get drunk tonight so I can get laid." The next day they complain to me about the quality of the sex they had and its awkwardness. They more often than not identify the male as the problem without ever analyzing their tactics for acquiring for sex or sexual attention. If believed to be true, what does this trend of alcoholism to justify sexuality say about my female friends? Or even society as a whole? 

For example, a close and incredibly smart female friend (who for the record is beautiful and booming with independent masculine energy) of mine recently confessed that she found me attractive. I found this comment fascinating because I had previously thought she wasn't into the type of guy I was. My own belief that I was not on her in a way allowed us to become better friends but I also think it brought about the question in her, "Why isn't he into me?" or more accurately, "Why isn't he showing signs of interest in me?" This is somewhat of a jump probably but it is a curious way to look at the situation because why else would she admit her slight attraction to me? For those of you who do not know me, I identify as bisexual and at the time when she told me this I was in a relationship with her good male friend so I found it even more interesting that she would need to assert her attraction to me even then. This makes the situation all the more interesting. If anything would it not have been more appropriate for her to respect the relationship of her friend and at minimum leave her attraction unspoken of? If we look at this statement she made as a projective question, a question wrapped in the safety of a statement, it could be understood not only as an attempt to grasp at why I had not shown her affection but also an invitation to the idea; she, in a way, gave me permission to be attracted to her. 

This same girl has fostered this habit of getting drunk then engaging in sexual behavior. In fact, I am tempted to ask her when the last time she had sober sex was. Actually, when was the last time any of us had sober sex. It's almost like our sexual symbolic order has evolved so that being in a relationship with someone means that you are capable of having sober sex with them and that every random hookup by a socially inexperienced person is just an attempt to come to terms with their body and search for acceptance. This might be somewhat of a stretch but I promise you this is an epidemic. 

To continue with this case, what can we say about the environment that engenders such behavior; not only does it create this behavior but it also literally genders it. The reasons why men and women use alcohol as a method for engaging in sex are fueled by the same chemical, alcohol, but the manner in which it manifests reflects the social training we have had all of our lives. While males drink to make it easier to hit on women, women drink to make to acceptable that they are being hit on or the lack thereof. 

The situation with women is so complicated because of this. We see women who engage in submissive behaviors in order to engage a male mate that they would otherwise reject or getting totally wasted to distract themselves from the unease that comes with not being the center of attention. The whole situation is a mess. What makes it worse is that they project the reasons for their unhappiness on young men when in reality they both are caught up in a terrible system. Probably the most disgusting part of it all is that we have all accepted these roles of interaction and many of us use sex as an exploration of our "identity" with the idea that our body will somehow reveal the secrets of our mind and soul. I promise everyone that this will reveal only more and more unfortunate and ultimately too real qualities about the body.

Happy International Women's Day I guess?

Evan